I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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