Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
