Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
