I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
