And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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