Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
