The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
