just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize