i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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