you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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