how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
being pregnant is like rehab
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
