nut hugger
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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