why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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