she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just high enough for therapy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
