Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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