I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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