I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
