when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
