I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
