He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
