you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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