I wanna passion pit in your ass
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
