I hate all girls vehemently.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
