Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
how drunk are you?
Several
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
