I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
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I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
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You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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