Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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