I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
