she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
