come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
