the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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