jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
