i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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