I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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