So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
