What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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