I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
