Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
