You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
