you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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