the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops