Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun