thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.