I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.