Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink