You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.