My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
