The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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