So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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