one two three fourrrrnication!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
