You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
