addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
