I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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