suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
