Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
