Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
