we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
