I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
