I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize