i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize