I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
