So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
