Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I need moral support for this bender
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
