New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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