I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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