The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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