why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
