ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
