I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
4 words: hood of his car
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
