I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
