the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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