I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
