you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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