I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
