lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im calling her cock vulture from now on
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
