I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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