What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
