HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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