i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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