I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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