her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
These tits shall not be calmed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
