After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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