If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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