DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
