apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
