That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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