My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
