Having a random hookup so left but love u
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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