I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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