Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
