from now on my penis is your penis
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
