life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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