I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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